It's early in the morning and I can't sleep. Who am I kidding...I work nights. Anyway, I sit here thinking it's been 11 years and 6 days since my father passed away. Wow...11 years and 6 days. And as each successive year passes my memory of him fades little by little. Sad that at age 23 the only memories I have are that of a 12 year old little girl. I don't feel sorry for myself because I believe experiencing these types of difficulties and trials influence and help to shape my best self. Though I can't deny the occasional pangs of emptiness I feel when I see a father and daughter together or think about all my father has missed out on in my life as well as my families'. I look forward to my children having a close and long relationship with their father that I only enjoyed for a short time. What ways help you all remember dad?
Thinking about losing my father is hard. But comprehending my mother's strength through it all is even harder. At the time I don't think I realized the depths of all my mom had to carry on her shoulders. I am grateful that she didn't just give up. My mom is the greatest, most patient, loving, caring, selfless, sacrificing, charitable (and the list could be A LOT longer) person I have ever encountered. If I am even a little bit like her I'm pretty sure my exaltation would be guaranteed. Even to this day she always puts her children and grandchildren first. I look forward to the challenge of becoming a mother like her someday. I LOVE YOU MOM! You are the bestest mom ever! Where would life be without the sacred innate responsibilities endowed to women and mothers?
Don't want this to be a "downer" blog just one that remembers those I've lost and love. Thanks for listening. Love to all.
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3 comments:
It's never easy to loose a parent, at any age. There are times I wish Dad was around, so that he could meet Rachel and my children. He never got a chance to know them, or to have visual proof that I'm not gay (He thought I was, for those who didn't know.)
Then there are the times that I remember how rough he was on me, for no other reason than I reminded him so much of himself, and he didn't care for that. I remember the beatings and the mental abuse, and other things, and I don't miss him for that. I was torn when he died, because I never really knew who he was. Was he the nice guy that he was right before he got sick, or was he the control freak, abusive father? That kind of stuff is what I think about anymore. Rachel keeps telling me that I need to have positive stories of Dad to tell my girls, or else I'll just repeat the cycle of Dad telling us how bad he had it growing up as an excuse for how I am now.
And you know what, She's Right.
I'm sure you werenn't looking for me to respond to this posting. I obviously never knew your dad. However, Ben has always told me that your dad taught him how to work hard. As the spouse and mother of Ben/our kids. That is something I will be forever grateful to your dad for.
I also COMPLETELY agree with you about your mom being one of the best women/people I have ever met. I think you all turned out so well in large part because of her.
I am overwhelmed and deeply moved by your sweet words. All I can say is that I love my children and grandchildren so much. The gospel has given me a strength that I would not normally have had and I have found comfort in this knowledge that our Father loves us and wants us to be happy. Our lives are governed by the decisions that we make, and I am enormously grateful for the love of my Father and Elder Brother and His sacrifice for me. If I can give you nothing else, know that we have a living prophet upon the earth today, that the gospel has been restored in it's fullness and our family can and will be eternal. My love for each of you will never be diminished, no matter the circumstances. Love always!!
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